30-day One Big Meal Challenge - Day 15

Same challenge. New approach!

I admit that I almost quit this challenge because the overwhelming stress from many directions. And I also admit that I binged, badly. In a way, my problem is different from other dieters. I do not worry about excess weight or health. It's a pure mental struggle of the remains of eating disorder that is still in my mind. My ultimate goal is to stop worrying about food. And to engage in a strict diet program is not a typical way to reach that goal.

After all, I must not lose the insight. I cannot lose control of my eating habit. I cannot live that way, strolling from one binge to the next. It's much worse than what I feel the first week while staying in calorie deficit. I was literally sick after the binge. My body revolted against such an unhealthy habit. Eventually I have to do what's right to my body. And my mind will hopefully realize that there's nothing attractive about binging and stop craving for one.

Wow, I'm a big girl now (at least bigger.) I usually just run away when I break the challenge. I hope next time I will come and confess, fearlessly asking for support right after one small binge and put a stop to it. That's what a real big girl does, right?

This post is getting long. Let's see my update.
Morning weight 55.6 kg (122.5lbs.) Back to where I started! Damn! At the back of my mind I am really happy because it can be much much worse, considering what I have binged.
A picture of my big meal last week.

Super Coleslaw. Although it looks messy, it tastes terrific. I still think about it now. The yummiest big meal ever!

I actually made some high-protein cheesecake too, from cottage cheese, whey protein, jello, and strawberries. But it ended up terrible. And I have to throw it away. That's the first day my big meal challenge shattered. I went to school on that day without my big meal and without any plan B and ended up buying food again. That's actually where the snow ball started rolling.

However, to those who are better at cooking, this cheesecake can totally work. You can grab the recipe here.

One of the big problems last week was the fact that I simply do not have time for cooking and cleaning. The whole process takes me 1-1.30 hours each day and requires me to come back home (instead of staying at the library or in the lab like I always do.) My house is pretty far away from campus so I usually just stay at home and try to study. That doesn't work well at all. I know I am significantly less productive. Another thing is that I am applying to grad school in a month and it means the world to me. I need more time to clear up all assignments and work on my applications. I simply need more time even though it's an hour a day. It actually helps tremendously in my super busy life.

So yesterday I come up with a way to stay in the challenge and waste no time -- COOKING SUPER BIG MEALS. I cooked 5-day worth of food, stored each meal in a handy ziploc box, and freeze them. They I labeled what meal it's for. For example, I wrote down Mon2 for the second meal of Monday. This way I have my healthy and cheap grab and go station for the next five days!

And I will update this blog less often since it takes some time to do as well. I know if I save minutes here and there, like saving money, I will end up with much more time to do what's really important for me.

So I will come back again next week with awesome progress. Good luck to you all!